I’m getting a divorce.
I can finally write out the words, albeit with tears hitting my keyboard, and share what’s happening in my life. I’ve been immobilized by grief – grieving the loss of a dream. The loss of a future I envisioned for my family and myself. The loss of a marriage.
Since the decision is not sudden and the “letting go” journey has been arduously long (as in years), I naively assumed that by this time in the process when it’s close to being final, I would “coast through” with little emotional impact. After all, I’m as strong as they come. But I discovered I can deny the feelings of loss only so long… and then it hits suddenly and fiercely. We don‘t choose grief. It chooses us.
The memory of telling our children will never leave me. While my husband and I will likely be friends to the end of our lives, our respect for each other and amicable relationship doesn’t make it any easier for our son and daughter. In some ways it’s actually harder. My daughter has asked repeatedly “since you and Dad don’t fight, I don’t understand how come you’re not compatible?” Telling her “these are adult problems that can’t be solved” and seeing the pain in her eyes is like a having a knife pierce my heart. If only there was an easy answer. Their worlds are in a state of disequilibrium and as their mother that has been crushingly painful for me.
That leads me to the explanation of why I’ve been “silent” including not writing my blog recently. Surrendering to grief can be depleting and requires stillness. From a spiritual perspective, it has forced me to go deep inside and focus on making meaning of this loss. My grief and my children have needed tending to.
Grief is a powerful journey without a clear finish line. I know having been through it before. For me, the tipping point has arrived – I’m having more good moments than bad. I know that in life, my children will be fine if we continue to be mindful of their needs. I know that getting a divorce is the right decision and I chose to not let it devastate me. And I know a painful ending is really a transformational beginning.
Michele Ruiz ~ Empowering Entrepreneurs to Empower Themselves!
I’m a former news anchor/reporter turned entrepreneur. I blog about my Life as a Latina entrepreneur which includes being a Mom, a Latina woman in the business world, and an entrepreneur. I share real life, tips, know-how, lessons I’ve learned and insights I think may be helpful to you as I launch and build my next company. Hope you’ll join me! You can follow me on my website MicheleRuiz.com, on my Facebook Page , Twitter (@micheleruiz01), LinkedIn,Google+, andYouTube vlogs. Thank you for support! Mil gracias por su apoyo!